How I Began to Heal Anxiety & ADHD

When I first moved to Boston for grad school back in 2008, I had recently made the decision to stop taking medication for ADHD, which included both Adderall and later Lexapro, a common antidepressant used to nurse the mountains of mental health issues that had piled up over the years.

(In college, ADHD morphed into “Complex ADHD”—newly defined as ADHD with intersecting mental health struggles.)

Before I stopped taking meds, I had never struggled with anxiety. As a day-dreamy, inattentive type ADHDer, I’ve always exuded a “California chill” vibe from the outside looking in, even though my reality and roots are much more “New York neurotic;).”  

Whenever I would sit down to write or work in grad school, I would swim in a sea of criss- crossing, discordant thoughts that collided as if my mind was experiencing a severe multi car accident.

One voice would tell me to do one thing and then doubt that thought and so on. This led to an indecisive state when writing that often tortured and terrorized me for hours-- sometimes days. Unable to cope, I would try to run as far as I could from the wreckage, and ultimately myself.

The indecision and self doubt followed me not only in my writing experience but in my day to day life, creating a general anxiety where I doubted my every move and decision—from going to the grocery store, to making plans with friends etc.

While initially, this left me in state of disfunction and disarray, it ultimately led me on a path to creating an ADHD friendly way of being, writing and working.

The most important, vital tools I started using to heal this were:

1) Creating and committing to a structure and a system at the expense of “freedom”

2) Doing school work in blocks of time during the day at morning and at night

3) yoga , mindfulness and meditation for focus, working through repressed pain surrounding adhd and mental health struggles, and tuning into neurodivergent needs

4) Instead of taking a seated lunch break, I jogged every day mid day in between work sessions

5) I prioritized spending QT with friends and family over the success of my school and work life

6) I found a solid therapist who could see love, passion and trust beneath my anxiety, and who believed in me when I lost faith in myself.

7) I expressed what I was going through to friends and family members I trusted and who knew me inside and out. I

8) I Found work and school subjects that I was passionate about so I could use hyperfocus to my advantage.

9) I started working outside of my house usually in a café or library, unless I had a tight deadline, where I could easily hyperfocus in my house or elsewhere.